Struggle isn’t something we usually chase after like a trophy. Yet, here’s the kicker: everything truly worth having asks for some kind of battle. The question isn’t whether you’ll struggle—it’s what kind of struggle you’re willing to sit through without throwing in the towel. That’s where the messy, exciting, and sometimes brutal work of figuring yourself out comes in.
Let’s be honest. Life throws a lot at us, and most days, it feels like we’re constantly juggling too many balls without knowing which one to drop. So how do you figure out which struggles are yours to carry? The ones that don’t just drain your energy but actually fuel you? Because not all suffering is created equal. Some grind your soul into dust; others shape you, refine you, make you better.
The Struggle That Adds Meaning, Not Just Pain
Here’s a quick truth: not every struggle is noble. It’s easy to romanticize the tough road, the long hustle, the sleepless nights. But if you’re grinding away at something that literally makes you miserable or chips away at your core values, it’s not worth it. I’m talking about those silent, creeping battles that drain your spirit more than they build you up.
So, step one is recognizing that struggle isn’t a badge of honor by default. Struggling for the wrong reasons—say, to impress someone else, to meet some arbitrary standard, or out of fear of quitting—won’t pay off in the currency you want: fulfillment. The kind of struggle worth enduring has a heartbeat. It aligns with something deep inside you, even if you haven’t fully named it yet.
What Lights Your Fire When Everything Else Burns Out?
Think about moments when you lost track of time, when obstacles felt more like interesting puzzles than walls. That’s a clue. When was the last time you tackled a problem so relentlessly that exhaustion didn’t feel like defeat but a sign you were on the right path? That’s the kind of struggle you might be willing to fight for.
It’s tempting to say, “I’ll struggle for success” or “I’ll struggle for happiness,” but those are broad and vague. What does success look like for you? What kind of happiness matters? These words get tossed around so often they lose meaning. Instead, get specific: what kind of project, relationship, or dream keeps pulling you back, even when the odds look grim?
The “Hell Yes” Test for Struggle
There’s a phrase that’s been floating around productivity and life coaching circles: if it’s not a “hell yes,” it’s a no. It’s simple but powerful. When you consider a path or a goal, what’s your gut reaction? Is it something you feel fiercely protective of, ready to defend through setbacks and failures? Or does it feel lukewarm, like an obligation you’d rather avoid?
Ask yourself this: when it gets tough—and it will—am I going to wake up and say, “I’m so glad I didn’t quit”? Or will I be dragging myself through misery, wondering why I signed up for this in the first place?
If the answer tilts toward the former, congratulations, you’ve found a candidate for your personal struggle. If not, it’s time to reconsider or recalibrate your goals.
The Role of Values in Deciding Your Struggle
Values aren’t just buzzwords. They’re the anchors that keep us steady when storms come knocking. When you’re clear about what matters to you—whether it’s creativity, freedom, family, impact, honesty—it’s easier to spot which struggles are worth your energy.
Imagine you value independence. Would you be willing to endure financial instability or social judgment to keep it? If yes, that struggle might be yours. But if you crave security, maybe that same struggle feels like torture. The point is, the struggle you’re ready to endure must resonate with your values, or you’ll burn out fast.
Try Struggling on Purpose (Yeah, I Said It)
Most people avoid struggle like it’s the plague. But what if you lean into it, not blindly, but with purpose? Think about athletes, artists, entrepreneurs. Their struggles aren’t random; they’re deliberate. They choose to endure pain, failure, and rejection because what’s on the other side matters more.
It takes courage to pick your battles. To say no to distractions and yes to hard work that aligns with your core. That discipline is, ironically, freeing. It transforms struggle from something to survive into something to embrace.
If you’re stuck wondering what’s worth it, try putting yourself in situations where you choose to struggle. Pursue a challenge that stirs you, that scares you a bit. Watch how your willingness to push through shifts when the struggle has meaning.
How to Spot When You’re Settling
Settling is a quiet thief. It slips in disguised as “comfort” or “pragmatism.” You might be trudging through a struggle that’s not yours—something society, family, or your own fears talk you into believing is necessary.
The signs are subtle: constant resentment, joylessness, feeling like a hamster on a wheel, or a nagging sense of “Is this all there is?” If you notice these, pause and re-evaluate. What are you desperately trying to avoid by sticking to this struggle? Fear of failure? Judgment? Change?
Facing these fears is part of the process. You can’t truly figure out what you’re willing to struggle for until you’re honest about what you’re afraid to lose or give up.
Ask Yourself the Hard Questions
“What would I fight for even if no one was watching?”
Sounds dramatic, but it’s a powerful lens. Struggles tied to ego and external validation don’t last. True grit comes when your motivation is intrinsic, when the cause feels sacred even if no applause comes.
“How would I feel if I gave up on this?”
If quitting feels like giving up on yourself, it’s probably worth the fight. But if quitting feels like relief or liberation, maybe you’ve found something that’s not meant for you.
“Am I growing through this struggle or just surviving it?”
Growth is messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful. But it leaves you stronger and more whole. If your struggle only leaves you hollow, maybe it’s time to pivot.
Your Struggle Is a Story You Choose
Our struggles define us, but only when we make them our own. You don’t have to accept every difficulty life tosses your way. You get to decide which battles matter. And that decision changes everything.
For some, it’s raising a family against the odds. For others, it’s chasing a dream career or healing from a past trauma. No one else can tell you what your struggle should be. It’s personal, complicated, and sometimes confusing. But it’s also where your deepest satisfaction lives.
If you want to dive deeper into discovering your own life’s mission and the struggles it entails, explore this insightful resource on identifying your true purpose at what your purpose is. Sometimes the answers come from unexpected places.
When Struggle Meets Joy
Here’s a wild thought. What if the struggle you’re willing to endure isn’t just about pain or sacrifice, but about unlocking joy? Real joy, the kind that’s messy and earned, not shiny and surface-level.
That’s the paradox. The more you commit to a meaningful struggle, the more life unfolds in surprising ways. You discover strengths you didn’t know you had. You build connections that sustain you. You find moments of pure delight in the middle of chaos.
So, instead of fearing struggle, start seeing it as an invitation—a call to engage fully with what matters most to you. The struggle becomes less of a burden and more of a dance. And that, my friend, changes everything.
Remember, figuring out what you’re willing to struggle for isn’t a one-time epiphany. It’s a lifetime conversation with yourself. And the good news? You’re in the driver’s seat.
