You ever get that nagging feeling that the life you’re leading isn’t yours? Like you’re playing a role someone else wrote for you, but it doesn’t quite fit—too tight in some places, too loose in others. Maybe you’re stuck in a job that feels like a rerun of someone else’s dream, or you’re following a path because that’s what everyone expects. But deep down, you wonder: Is this really my calling, or am I just living out someone else’s plan?
It’s a tricky question. We’ve all heard the advice to “follow your passion” or “find your purpose,” but what if you don’t even know what that means? What if your path is clouded by expectations, fears, or even nostalgia for who you thought you should be? It’s time to get honest with yourself.
Here’s the deal: living your calling isn’t about flashy moments or sudden epiphanies. It’s quieter and messier than that. It’s about a stubborn thread of joy and fulfillment that weaves its way through your days, even when things aren’t perfect. So how do you tell if you’re living your truth or just going through the motions of someone else’s script?
What Does “Your Calling” Even Mean?
Before we judge your life plan, let’s unpack what a calling really is. It’s not necessarily your job title or how much money you make. It’s more about what makes you feel alive when the world falls silent. What lights a fire under you, even on miserable Mondays? For some, it’s art or teaching or building something tangible. For others, it’s about connection, healing, or advocating for change.
Your calling is like a stubborn itch—a part of you that refuses to be ignored. It’s not always comfortable or convenient, but it feels right in every fiber of your being. And here’s the kicker: it’s unique to you. No one else can exactly replicate it because it’s born out of your experiences, values, and quirks.
Spotting the Signs: Are You Playing Your Part or Someone Else’s?
Let’s get down to brass tacks. How do you know if you’re living your calling? Or worse, if you’re trapped in someone else’s idea of your life?
You dread the alarm clock every morning.
If you wake up with a pit in your stomach, counting the minutes until you can clock out, that’s a big red flag. Maybe you’ve trained yourself to push through the doldrums, but deep down, your soul is whispering, “This isn’t why you’re here.” Your calling energizes you—it doesn’t drain you. Yes, work has its rough patches, but if exhaustion is your constant companion, something’s off.
Your goals feel borrowed.
Have you set goals that don’t quite feel like your own? Maybe they’re inherited from parents, mentors, or society’s checklist. Things like “become a doctor,” “own a house by 30,” or “get married and have kids” might sound great on paper, but if you’re pursuing them because “that’s what you’re supposed to do,” your heart might not be in it. When you achieve those goals, do you feel a hollow victory?
You’re allergic to your own dreams.
This sounds odd until you realize how often people sabotage their own happiness. Procrastination, self-doubt, or outright fear can be your subconscious telling you that your current path isn’t in alignment. If you find yourself pushing away chances to try new things or ignoring ideas that excite you, it’s worth asking why. Are you betraying your true self to avoid disappointment or failure?
Your energy is scattered, not focused.
Living your calling often means having a north star. Even if the path isn’t crystal clear, there’s a sense of direction. If your life feels like a fragmented mess—jumping from one thing to another without a clear sense of purpose—that’s a sign you might be playing someone else’s game. Your energy should feel like it’s moving you closer to something meaningful, not spinning in place.
You feel invisible in your own story.
Sometimes, the most telling sign is subtle. You might go through your daily routine and feel like a background character in your own life. Your achievements don’t thrill you, your relationships feel transactional, and your passions are buried beneath layers of obligation. That invisibility cloak suggests you’re living a life scripted by others, not authored by your own desires.
The What-If Trap: Why It’s So Hard to Break Free
Figuring out that you’re off-track is one thing. Changing course is another beast entirely. The “what-ifs” can paralyze even the bravest hearts: What if I fail? What if I disappoint my family? What if I’m just being selfish?
These questions aren’t trivial. They’re the gatekeepers of conformity. But here’s something to chew on: what if the biggest risk is not embracing your own calling? What if the regret of living a half-truth is worse than any failure?
You deserve to explore your own path, even if it’s messy or unconventional. The world needs people brave enough to live authentically, not robots following outdated playbooks.
Taking Back the Pen: How to Start Living Your Calling
Alright, so you suspect you’re not living your own story. What next? Here’s where the tough but necessary work begins—getting out of your own way.
Start with self-inquiry.
Ask yourself brutal questions. What would I do if money wasn’t an issue? What makes me lose track of time? When do I feel most like myself? Answering these honestly can crack open doors you didn’t know existed.
Experiment with curiosity.
Your calling might not announce itself with a neon sign. It often shows up in small, curious explorations—a hobby, a volunteer gig, a side project. Dip your toes into different waters and see what feels right. You don’t have to commit forever. Just notice what fuels you.
Let go of guilt.
This one’s a monster. But remember, your calling isn’t a betrayal of your family or friends; it’s an act of self-respect. When you honor your own path, you become a better version of yourself, which benefits everyone around you.
Surround yourself with support.
Find people who encourage your truth. Whether it’s a mentor, a friend, or a community, having allies makes the journey less lonely. Seek out stories and advice from those who’ve navigated the same crossroads.
Trust the process.
There’s no magic bullet. Living your calling is a lifelong process of tuning into yourself, making mistakes, and adjusting course. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
If you want a deeper dive into how to uncover what truly matters to you, check out this insightful resource on discovering your personal mission at what is your purpose. It’s packed with exercises and real-life stories that might just shift your perspective.
When You’re Already on Your Calling but Doubting It
Sometimes you’re on the right path, but the road feels rocky. You might face hurdles that make you question everything. That’s normal. Passion doesn’t shield you from hard work or setbacks. In fact, it often means you care enough to feel the pain deeply.
If you find yourself wondering, “Is this really my calling?” even while you’re pursuing it, remember that doubt is part of the process, not the verdict. Keep checking in with yourself. Do you still feel that quiet spark? Can you tolerate the discomfort because you believe in the bigger picture?
What’s more important than eliminating doubt is leaning into curiosity and resilience. After all, no great story was written without some conflict.
Why Living Someone Else’s Plan Is a Recipe for Burnout
That creeping sense of exhaustion, irritation, and unhappiness that drags you down? That’s burnout knocking at your door. It grows when you’re out of sync with your true self, trying to fit into a mold you never shaped.
Burnout isn’t just about working too hard; it’s about working hard in a place that doesn’t belong to your soul. When you’re living someone else’s plan, you’re constantly swimming upstream against your own desires. It’s exhausting and unsustainable.
Finding your calling isn’t about escaping responsibility. It’s about aligning your responsibility with your passion. The result? A kind of energy that fuels you rather than drains you.
A Final Real Talk Moment
You might still be wondering if all this talk of “calling” is just another self-help buzzword. Maybe you think it’s too fluffy, too vague, or too unattainable. But here’s what I believe: your calling isn’t some mystical destination. It’s the daily act of showing up for yourself in ways that feel meaningful.
You owe it to yourself to untangle your life from expectations that don’t fit. To question the narratives you’ve inherited and rewrite them when needed. To chase the things that make your heart beat faster, even if just a little.
When you live your calling, life isn’t perfect. It’s real. Messy. Challenging. But it’s yours—and that’s everything.
If you want a bit of guidance along the way, try exploring perspectives on purpose and fulfillment from thoughtful sources like exploring your life’s purpose. Sometimes, a fresh lens is all you need.
Living your own story isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity. So, what’s stopping you from picking up the pen?
