It’s exhausting, isn’t it? That constant need to have others pat you on the back, nod approvingly, or at least not roll their eyes when you speak or act. Chasing approval is a peculiar addiction—one that sneaks up on you under the guise of “fitting in” or “being liked.” But here’s the brutal truth nobody shouts from the rooftops: approval chasing doesn’t just drain your energy—it obliterates your purpose.
Purpose is supposed to be this glowing compass inside you. It’s that mix of raw passion, deep conviction, and the kind of drive that keeps you showing up when things get messy. But when approval chasing takes over, purpose becomes a weak echo. Instead of a guiding light, it’s just background noise drowned out by what others think you should do.
Let’s unpack why this happens.
Why Approval Chasing Is a Purpose Killer
First off, approval chasing is a colossal distraction. Your focus shifts from what truly matters to what will win you applause or at least avoid disapproval. Imagine trying to write a novel, but every other sentence you second-guess because a friend might hate the plot twist or an editor might find it “too edgy.” That’s no way to live, let alone create a meaningful life.
When your decisions are tethered to external validation instead of internal conviction, you become a puppet, not a person. What’s worse is how sneaky approval chasing is. It masquerades as a survival strategy—“If I do what they want, I’ll be safe.” But in reality, it’s a straight path to stagnation.
It also makes you lose sight of yourself. Purpose requires clarity about your values, your quirks, your unique flavor. Chasing approval encourages conformity. You tuck away those weird little things that make you, you because they might annoy or confuse others. Over time, you become a diluted version of yourself, and the true purpose buried underneath feels suspiciously like a fading mirage.
When approval-seeking infiltrates your choices, it breeds resentment too. Ever done something for a crowd and afterward felt a hollow “why did I even?” moment? That’s the soul shriveling. The more you chase acceptance, the less you own your actions, and the less your life feels like it’s truly yours.
The ironic fallout here: approval chasing often backfires spectacularly. People can sniff desperation like sharks smell blood. Instead of drawing them closer, it pushes them away. Authenticity is magnetic. People don’t want to connect with a chameleon; they want to connect with you, unfiltered and unafraid.
How to Stop Approval Chasing and Find Purpose Instead
Ready to break free from the approval hamster wheel? The answer isn’t some overnight fix—it’s a gradual, sometimes painful, but ultimately liberating process of reclaiming your life.
Get brutally honest with yourself about what you want. This is the real work. Not what your parents, friends, or society say you should want, but what lights a fire in your gut. It can be scary because it might feel selfish or reckless. But that spark—that unique flicker of desire—is the kernel of your purpose.
Practice saying no without crafting elaborate excuses. Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself. When you stop bending over backward to please everyone, you carve out mental and emotional space to nurture your passions. It might ruffle feathers at first. So what? You’re not here to be a people-pleaser; you’re here to be YOU.
Seek out people who support your true self, not just the version of you that looks good on paper or Instagram. It’s easier to grow purposefully when your tribe cheers for the authentic, messy, vibrant you. This kind of support acts like fertilizer for your soul’s mission.
Get comfortable with discomfort. Purpose isn’t shiny and easy. It’s often tangled with fear, doubt, and failure. The more you chase approval, the more you avoid these feelings. But ironically, embracing discomfort is the secret sauce to discovering what really matters.
Instead of framing your choices around what others will think, ask yourself, “Will this move me closer to what I want?” Use that as your North Star, not applause meters. It’s a profound mental shift that frees you from the tyranny of external validation.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Stepping Off the Approval Treadmill
If you’ve ever been stuck in the approval trap, you know how brutal the inner critic can be. Every “no” feels like guilt, every step toward your own path feels selfish or wrong. That’s why self-compassion is a game-changer.
Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend who’s struggling to break free from this cycle. Recognize that approval chasing is often rooted in deep-seated fears of rejection or abandonment. You’re not lazy or weak—you’re human.
Self-compassion softens those harsh inner voices and creates space for honest reflection. It’s easier to say “I’m enough” when you’re not beating yourself up for not being perfect or universally liked.
By nurturing self-compassion, you dismantle the need for external validation bit by bit. You start valuing your own approval, which is the true foundation of a purposeful life.
When Purpose Meets Action: What Comes Next?
Discovering your purpose isn’t a finish line—it’s a journey that unfolds as you keep choosing authenticity over approval. Once you start living by your own rules, your actions gain weight and meaning. You stop wandering, hoping someone else will hand you a blueprint.
Instead, you build one yourself, brick by brick, fueled by what matters to you. This doesn’t mean you ignore feedback or collaboration. It means you filter input through your own worldview rather than letting it dictate your existence.
You’ll notice a shift in your energy. Purpose has this weird, unshakable gravity that pulls you forward even when the path looks uncertain. It’s messy, imperfect, and thrilling all at once. Approval chasing, on the other hand, is empty and exhausting—a treadmill with no destination.
If you want to dive deeper into what it means to live with intention and break free from the chains of external validation, a great resource can be found at discovering your true purpose. It’s a reminder that your life isn’t about fitting into someone else’s mold. It’s about making your own.
You don’t have to live for likes, applause, or approval. You can live for you.
The freedom in that? It’s wild.
Your purpose is waiting. It’s not hiding behind the approval you crave. It’s right there, under all the noise, ready to be claimed.
Think about it: what would your life look like if you stopped chasing approval today? What would you do differently? What small step could you take right now toward your own messy, beautiful, unapologetic purpose?
The answers might surprise you. Maybe they’ll scare you. But they’ll never leave you empty the way approval chasing does.
Go ahead—give yourself that chance.
